The Peach is Darker on One Side

It was Sunday.

I read it. I felt it.
I'm disappointed.
Your actions are impulsive and ignorant.
I wish you'd keep it straight.
I know there are two sides to every story. I have faith others do too.

It's the way we choose to shed light on those stories that make the difference.
I choose to walk alone. I will remain quiet.

As black is black, so are your thoughts and opinions. I refuse to defend or argue.
It's easy for you to point fingers and make judgments when you leave half of it in the dark.
You're awfully shady.
~

I Love Peaches

It is Saturday.
Love exists.

In all sorts of shapes and sizes, through all sorts of moments or memento's.
It is Valentine's Day. IT'S WAFFLE DAY! (actually it's also samosa, mini heart shaped spinach pizzas, fruit/veggie tray, sweet potato pie, strawberry/blueberry, raspberry, fresh whipped cream, orange/apple and Five Alive day!!!) Today is special not only because of the monumental holiday but also because it is a Saturday, my LEAST favorite day to work. I have had a bad habit of "fighting the system" on Saturdays and weaseling my way out of unwanted shifts. However this was a shift I did not want to miss (and I'm glad I didn't).

I get to spend it with my favorite girls: Amanda, Sara, DJ Shake n' Bake, Melissa and Janelle (Chelsey you bugger called in sick! Lyndsey you were greatly missed).

I was the first one to start my shift bright and early 9:00 a.m. I am alone in our mass group of cubicles and I am enjoying the quiet. It gives me time to unwind and prepare for the day but this was abruptly interrupted by our security guard asking for Sara's desk. I checked her schedule and directed him to her cubicle behind me and I watched him haul in this long brown wrapped box with hearts and a giant bow!

Ohhh, the romance! Ohhh the cutesy wootsie squeals and *sighs* begin!

Sometimes...I will sit real quiet, dead center of the chatty chaos and just absorb. I smile to myself. You girls are so funny. When I am here - I am safe and very much loved.

I am learning to actually live, breathe and feel love.

I have spent too many years living in fear of "never being loved", "not good enough to be loved" and never giving "enough love". The love was around me the whole time. I hope you can relate.

I find love in those moments of silence - when you are able to sit in the
presence of another(s) and are able to just "be". There is nothing left to desire...you are complete. So many of you complete me...I'm glad I let you in.

Live - Surround yourself with the people, places and things you love.

Breathe - Let it out. Give love. Say you love.

Feel - Remember it's your "godforsaken right to be loved loved loved". You are worth love. Appreciate those moments of "completeness". Store those memories - use them to help you recharge after a hard day or a disheartening word.

I am incredibly lucky - I am spoiled...

Till next lesson is learned. Don't be afraid to paint it PINK.

~

Cupid Eats Peaches, Too

Apples are RED
Blueberries are BLUE
Peaches are SWEET
and so are YOU!

I love you.
Yes - I do.
(Don't be afraid to say it to others - it may seem frooty (loops) but this world needs to hear it more often)
Happy Valentines Day.

Harder to Digest than The Pit

It was a Thursday;

My girlfriend Amanda had recently asked me to spend some time with her discussing life lessons, decisions and concerns. I awoke early to give myself enough time to prepare for the day as I was not going to return home before heading to work.

Schedule: shower, makeup, hair, dress, Northgate Mall to pick up Cry Baby and some skin care products, Amanda’s apartment, WP Inside store, Boston Pizza then work. During my makeup application I received a text message from Nighthawk (my BEST G/F), asking me to join her sometime for supper….to talk. Recently, we have had a falling out. I seem to care too much, she doesn’t seem appreciate it. We have come to a entire standstill. I am tired of talking to someone who doesn’t really want to listen…and she was done listening a long time ago. All I want is for her to know I love her and I care and I would always be there… Needless to say, I didn’t know how to respond to the text. I am afraid of hearing the same old thing and I'm tired of repeating myself and defending my character. I need to figure out if I have it in me to “forget” the accusations made about me. I want to feel important to you. I have to trust in time…go with the flow….

Shopping at WP Inside, Amanda and I discovered a collection of magnets designed by my cousin Kal Barteski. I found one in particular that I immediately purchased. It made my heart go quiet. It said;

“He handed me back the broken bucket
Repaired and repented
With duct tape bruises…
He looked at me until I felt shamed and warmed
at the same time. He half-smiled and said,
‘You can’t help everybody’
And maybe he was right.
I looked down at my leaky pail and my tight grip and my wet shoes. I had to try. I saw my reflection and deflection in the water.
And right there I realized,
Drowning in good intention – is still drowning.
Save you.

“Drowning in good intention – is still drowning” Yes, yes it is.

I love how straightforward this message is. You cannot help someone who does not want to be helped – you cannot shed light on a situation if the other refuses to throw the switch…you cannot fight to keep a relationship going when the other is not willing to roll with the punches.

I am learning it is ok to let go. People come and go in our lives all the time. Each interaction has its purpose and when that purpose is fulfilled more often than not, a parting of ways occurs. This disunion needs to be accepted. Resistance will only lead to pain, discomfort and lamenting. It is difficult to determine when enough is enough but yes, there is a time when you must “save yourself” ... walk away.

I feel too much. When I love, I LOVE. When you are a part of my life, you have taken a piece of me forever. During these difficult changes I put faith in time. What was meant to be will be. True friendship can withstand anything and will always come back.

Nighthawk – You're still important. My silence is NOT forever.

Till the next lesson. Don’t be afraid to paint it PINK.
~

Peach Blossom

We are all unique.
No one can see what we see or feel what we feel.
We can, however, stem from the same joys and inspirations of others. Taking those experiences or ideas and shaping them into our own.
Besides life lessons, I would on occasion, like to share with you some of my inspirations. They encourage me to create art, appreciate life or engage in a hearty laugh.

I do hope, they too, can blossom within you.

Please enjoy 4-year-old Darcie's rendition of Candy Mountain featured in Charlie the Unicorn... "...ohhh when you're down and looking for some cheering up...." : )

Inside the Barrel

This is the beginning of a journey for me. A new way of expressing and more importantly remembering all the many emotions, adventures and lessons that have recently been surfacing in my life.
I have become aware.
I want to share.

The origin of my BLOG was seeded in the most recent creation of Mr. David Gassner’s The Broken Mirror in which, entries are conceived through the perspective of others. I realized through this method, how significant every relationship in my life has ever meant. How, because of other’s opinions/intentions, they have helped shape the person I am today. I am no longer the self hating, pessimistic, co-dependant girl I once was. Today, I embrace the playful side of life. I love who I am - and am becoming. I am optimistic, believing in the good intentions of most and I take care of myself. I have seen so much, so soon. I have experienced love and betrayal. I have held death in my hands. I have fought through trauma. I have been beaten and neglected. I have seen the inner hell that can fester inside of my gut and through it all I have been able to see the beauty in each of my situations, embrace it and grow. Today I really, really love to smile.

It was Tuesday. I took some time before my shift at work to nurture the irrepressible giggle wanting to come out of myself. I decided to get my favorite fountain soda at the mall and ponder over Dave’s newest hobby... I also went ring shopping. It seems silly - but that is because it is silly. I do not have a fiancé nor do I have anyone wanting to purchase me a ring or the finances myself to ever afford such an extravagant piece of jewelry. However, off I went to play make believe. I have always found joy in reviving lost dreams of romance and “fooling” the sales ladies that encourage me to continue my game. It was a short visit to Charm Diamond Centers and after several minutes of teasing myself I had to part with the those beautiful diamonds on my finger, bring myself back to reality and head off to work. I left glowing. I laughed the whole way to work. Such a simple experience had sent my head whizzing with thoughts and daydreams. I realized its important to do things that make you happy. I love to help and make others happy. I think that goal can be possible through Unicorns Eat Peaches.

Before I can continue I must give credit to a few of those who have recently affected my life...who brought me to life...and some, who were given the role of antogonist. I appreciate you also. (Thank you xoxo):

Jeff - for breaking my spirit in every way possible. You taught me strength, endurance and hope. Without you I would never have been humbled and I would never have learnt lesson #1: RESPECT and APPRECIATE the good people in your life
Dave - for sticking through the roughest times and making me laugh. You were my break away from the abuse and your patience was everlasting. You were the foundation for my first step up. You taught me to keep on truckin’.
Tyler - for being a “whore” and for being persistent. You made me realize I deserve love and will receive love. You gave me an excuse to leave (Indiana Jones is always a good excuse to leave a long relationship) Now you are my daily dose of Vitamin “C”ompliments and my hook up for projects like these (extra finger snaps go out to you for all your help).
Teron - for being my best friend. You have taught me the meaning of true friendship. You have always loved me for me and you truley understand me. I love you for this.
Family - for reminding me of my roots. When everyone is gone your family remains.
Daylene - for supporting my spirit. You have taught me self respect, the importance of “coincidences”, faith and belief in my intuition.
Luke - for being unique and inspirational. You have shown me the importance of dedication towards your dreams. We have known each other the least and yet we are amazingly close. Our friendship is truley UNIQUE!
Ashley - for being one of my teenage heroines when I was most vulnerable. You are one of the few people who allow me to be as silly and/or as WILD as I want to. You taught me not to worry about what other people think (and now I dont.)

Till the next lesson is learned. Don’t be afraid to paint it PINK.
~